By Geoffrey C Porter
The snake reached out to me with its forked tongue. It had black scales all along its back, but green scales adorned its underside. It seemed to shake its head and then twist and turn into the tall grass. I wondered what would come by next. That damn pixie cast some spell on me, and all I can do is sit here. Then I tried moving. It worked. I pushed myself to my feet, and a tingling sensation coursed through my feet and ankles, but it evaporated as the sun finished setting.
The autumn wind rustled through the trees, causing dead brown leaves to whisper to the ground here and there. I hadn’t eaten in ages, and I kept my eyes peeled for any sort of berry or fruit, edible or not.
I started hunting for dandelions. The pixie demanded two handfuls, claiming she needed it for wine. I found one yellow flower after another and kept at it until my pockets were full. After walking back to the ancient oak tree, I knocked on the trunk.
The tiniest little creature you could imagine maybe two inches tall with clear wings stepped out from behind the tree trunk. She had kind of pointy little breasts and wide hips. Her long, black hair was neatly arranged in a bow. She wore a well-tailored moleskin dress and high heeled boots. In a high pitched, loud voice, she screeched, “Did you get the dandelions?”
“Don’t hurt me!”
The creature glared. “I won’t if you do as I ask.”
“I did what you said. I got the dandelions.”
“Show me,” she said.
I started pulling the flowers out of my pockets in a great mass.
“Hand them to me one at a time, you idiot!”
I held out one flower. The pixie flew off the limb and grabbed it. She slid through a hinged door and came back out. She started to tap her foot. I shrugged.
“I need more than one!” She howled.
“Oh.” I held out another dandelion. She snatched it and went back through the door. She came back out. I held out another blossom.
This went on for some time. I handed over the last flower. She came back out of the door, and I started to back away. She flew up to my face and tapped me on the nose with her wand. I transformed into a rock.
Being a rock wasn’t so bad. I waited. Birds liked to perch on me, and of course inevitably, the birds didn’t seem to mind pooping on their perch. So, I spent some time as a rock. Very spiritual.
One day, the pixie returned, and tapped me again with her wand.
I morphed back into a human shape. Although I might not be human, mum always said my father was a goat, but that’s another story.
I looked at the pixie. She looked at me and smiled. She had stark white, pointy teeth, and a tanned complexion. I ran. The pixie was faster though and flew ahead of me and threatened me with the wand. I stopped running and started crying. “Please don’t hurt me! I’ve done everything you’ve asked!”
She shook her head. “You haven’t done enough! I need hawk eggshells.”
I wept. She kicked me in the eye.
“What was that for!” I yelled.
“If you’re going to cry,” she said, “I’ll give you something to cry about!”
I did my best back away routine.
She waved her wand. “Oh no you don’t.” She pulled out a little pipe, stuffed it with something, and lit it with a flintlock lighter. “You’ll get me some hatched hawk eggs first.”
“Then you’ll let me go?”
She rubbed at her chin.
“I’ll get you the hawk eggs, if you promise to let me go…”
“No deal. Get the eggs first then we talk.”
So, I started climbing trees and soon got pretty good at it, too. I found some hatched bird eggs. Not knowing if they were hawk eggs, I put them in a pouch anyway and lowered them by rope to the forest floor. I stumbled upon an apple tree and climbed until I found some ripe apples. My stomach was full for the first time in what seemed like years.
I went to the pixie’s tree and knocked. She answered with a wide smile on her face.
She selected one of the egg shells and went inside. She came back out with a yellow liquid in the shell. “Drink it!”
“I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me! Let me go!”
“Drink it, now!” She shouted.
“I went inside the volcano for ash. I found you newt claws. I did everything!”
“What I’ve done to you so far is nothing compared to what I’ll do to you, if you don’t drink the wine.”
I took the egg shell and chugged it. It tasted good. I started to shrink until I was no bigger than a pixie. I felt compelled to check on the size of my manhood, but then I realized I was in public with birds and chipmunks watching.
The pixie grabbed my hand. “Now we can get married.”